Hello all,
I Gotta start by saying I am truly, unwaveringly hoping that all you folks I have just read about on 'Aid Page' can find richly deserved assistance, peace and/or guidance....I almost feel ashamed for posting. My guilt is gaining traction with each word and each story I continue to read. I just cannot say with any degree of conviction that MY FAMILIES' issues and financial plight can compare or even trump that of ANY of you folks. Unfortunately, the love I have in my heart for my family (wife and daughter), compels me to exhaust every effort - even those such as this - in the .000001% chance that something positive can result from it.
Yes - I am happily married, to an absolute, wonderful gem of a woman. I am not one bit chagrined to say she - and my 11 year old sweetheart daughter - are the love of my life. I'm hopelessly, helplessly, head-over-heels in love with my wife of 13 years.
However, I am in such deep financial hardship, that I genuinely may have no choice to alleviate myself from their lives - at least officially, against OUR will (and, not to get overly religious, but against God's will, as well), so she can support herself and daughter by ANY means - child support, alimony (whatever the -mony word is..? don't have any idea - never in a MILLION years would I ponder being separated from my family) I am so overwhelmingly, staggeringly desperate to somehow get out from under my (+ lessor extent, our) Herculean debt and financial ruin so my family won't have to live in perpetual fear of having the water, phone,. lights get turned off....be afraid to answer the door in case it's another person holding a garnishment paper, ect. This week - we have NEG $-63 dollars, and no food until next THURSDAY, and Gas, power, Phone, haven't been paid.
I am ENTIRELY, COMPLETELY and WHOLE-HEARTEDLY out of ideas!!!! Even after consulting with Consumer Credit Counseling (for the ump-teenth time), they look me right in the eye and state, "We have no basis for making a recommendation for you and your family. YOUR LIABILITIES EXCEED YOUR INCOME." This is a financial problem with no legit, REASONABLE or 'legal' answer.
I honestly can say that much of my dilemma is circumstance, yet at the same time, poor personal decisions as well: To try and make a Long story short:
- I Graduated College in 1993 - w/ substantial school loans (re., poor personal decision).
- 4 Mo prior to Graduation, (2/8/93), I bent over to open a drawer, & my back (T-10 thru L-4), literally exploded - as if a grenade detonated in my low & mid-back. I have severe degenerative disc disease in 5 of 7 of those dics, (2) Grade 4 Radial Annular tears, a grade 3 annular tear, moderate to severe disc defects in discs T-10 thru L-5, & symptomatic Discongenic issues related to all of these issues.
- I was State - Classified, Disabled for one full year, Sept. 93 - Sept 94; entirely bed-ridden, needed help to use bathroom, everything. My condition was and still is, generally inoperable - only in the sense that no MD will touch me - as much as I beg for a fusion, or any such 'invasive' procedures, due to the large number of horror stories and endless stream of malpractice cases involving back surgeries.
- In Sept 94, I met my wife, just after I began working a very mundane, thoughtless job, after a year of intensive rehab and excruciatingly treacherous 2x day physical therapy. This woman accepted me - flaws and all - and I have never and will never be able to live up to my end of the "Marriage partnership"
- My physical condition since 2/8/93, has included each and every treatment / medication / therapy available to Modern medicine:
-
- TENS Unit,
- Trial periods of pain-point injections
- 4 diff types of Spinal-cord Stimulators
- sub-occipital nerve block(s), and most recently,
- Monthly Cortisone/Steroid injections into each joint of all 7 problem areas - 14, each month. ONE - FOUR.
I have been actually as good as I have ever been, physically - fairly decent functioning, I can sit for several hours, and under long-acting pain meds, mostly thru spinal stimulator, one might not know I have 'issues'.
Oh, also, I have developed chronic varicoses in each leg, since I cannot sit for extended periods of time w/o tremendous pain. My left leg was operated on in 1/95 - and i developed freakishly horrible post-operative infection and huge 'varicose ulcers' after-wards. These took years upon years of 2-3x wk treatments to 'close' - longer than they would've otherwise, since I just cannot not sit! I still have dozens of 'superficial varicose clots' in both legs - which can get a little uncomfortable, but compared to my back, they're almost nothing in the pain dept. - just a hassle.
Money is another matter. When this 1st occurred, i was going to school, working two jobs, and i actually took it upon myself to purchase insurance....catastrophic - 37/mo for 1k deductible! well, that 1k ran out quick, then only covered usually 50% of all treatments - and paid a 'reimbursement'. Obviously, that ran out when i graduated, couldn't pay COBRA either way, being bed-ridden, and by the time the disability was established and i became certified after 1/2 year of red tape, I was completely ruined - all my credit shot to hell, money all gone, and bed-ridden, forced to beg my folks to live in the spare bedroom while i tried to recover. I had to defer the loans - which i was able to do for 4 years (no idea how long I would be laid up). STILL don't know how I graduated! Univ. issued me a note-taker, and I managed to take tests at HOME 'lying down' - even took one test verbally over the PHONE!
NOW: past 7 years. Job I was at from 94-98 went out of biz - closed doors in Jan 98. I took the only job i could really do physically, in 99, and that job has morphed into what i do now - MGMT. The Co has now been sold 3 times, with pay-cuts each time, and loss of medical benefits in 04.
I'm also drastically under-employed. I have 2 Degrees (albeit, Undergrad Degrees). At the onset of my injuries, before my year of disability, I had passed LSAT first time thru, was accepted to and preparing for Law School at a great, top-shelf, Private University in Fall after Graduation. My condition makes it almost impossible to sit or drive for extended periods of time - although I have maintained consistent, full-time employment since the day I withdrew my 'Disbility Status', and - against doctor recomendation - returned to work. I cannot say I haven't missed my good fair share of work due to rediculously brutal flare-ups, or 'Nerve-Showers' as they're called. My condition HAS kept me from re-enrolling in school (Thousands in unpaid, outstanding Loans in limbo - + Family to feed, ect), kept me from obtaining better work (travel and job limitations), and kept me from gaining access to programs such as 'Vocational Rehab', ect - since I 'just had' to work (rejected over and over).
My Wife has had two lower paying, yet stable jobs where they also closed plant in 99 and 03. We made the fateful decision to have wife go back to school and receive degree to get more steady family job thereafter. She got strait A's, got a entry level job - after intensive search, and began making close to double min wage - but no offer or standard health care in industry.
Since this time, many, many unforced, unexpected gaps in our Health Benefits have resulted in a MOUNTAIN of Medical bills we just can't pay - I was paying small, very small amounts to 11 of these 19 bills, until recently.
Last Feb, our tiny rental duplex was sold - and we were forced to move unexpectedly. My Birth Mother, whom I'd seen 3x in 33 years since she left my father w/ young 3 kids, when I was 5 and moved across country, passed away right after a long illness - and we received a small (few k), yet huge for US - inheritance - which allowed us to move into an even smaller, but charming little 2 BR home across town. Rent was $200 more, all we could find, but wife new job would barely cover increase. Fortunately, we even had barely enough left over to buy a running car for just over 2k, when our car was dead - it was a god-send, at the time.
JUST five days after moving, wife's job / workplace suddenly closed due to some accountant-embezzlement-scam / State Attny-forced closure, and SAME DAY, MY job description changed dramatically, and I received a substantial pay cut. All of a sudden, we had far, FAR more liabilities than income.
Since then - wife finally got an even lower paying job - BUT ONE WITH BENNIES! Great Bennies. BUT - I have mounting school loans, tax bills from last two years that we had NO EARTHLY way of paying - and we needed every penny so bad, we simply could not change ANYTHING to receive less.
WELFARE will not even LOOK at me - since they indicate we have 'Plenty of Money' - THEY CANNOT COUNT MEDICAL BILLS, AND A LG PORTION OF THINGS I MUST PAY - GARNISHMENTS, ECT!
This Month, for example - we now have NOT paid the Gas Bill, Power Bill, OR Phone Bill which comes out of Checking (22 dollars). I have BY FAR the cheapest phone service HUMANLY POSSIBLE! Must have way for folks/parents to contact us! I have begun bagging up our trash, taking to work daily, since trash service was terminated. We owe 30 - 40 to SCHOOL for my amazing little girls' School Lunches, since they indicate we have FAR TOO MUCH income to apply for school lunch program.....my folks cannot help (four sisters who also need help - 'wouldn't be fair') - I go with out lunch almost EVERY DAY for past year - I'm down to 180 lbs (6'3" - was 220). It is entirely worth it for our little girl - who thru it all has been remarkably steady and happy - and just got all STRAIGHT A's on her very 1st report card! She is just such a great kid, and truly deserves better than what I've been providing.
I have itemized every single expense on paper with the SHARPEST PENCIL I HAVE! I am out of ideas. I can only project that IF I legally separated from my Wife - we love each other so much it wouldn't matter what a pc of paper states - that she'd be able to garner my wages, via child support! It TRULY breaks my heart into dust just to say those words - and to even THINK about looking at my wife in any other way than I always have - and I truly wouldn't. I just HAVE to find a way to provide for them in the manner they deserve - my daughter is old enough....I hope, to withstand this 'cosmetic' necessity. I swear I am not trying to pander to need when I wonder out loud that my girls would be far better off if I weren't in the picture at all right now.
Whatever works.....it is the only thing I can POSSIBLY think of! My wife has interview at McDonald's tomorrow, for nights and evenings - I've been walking the stadium after game collecting cans for return - I've found that it is amazing how much down time I have when i analyze it. My MD said she would shoot ME herself if I tried to work a second job - and I cannot risk tearing out the stabilizer material in my back, that land me in bed again - but I also keep the lights on and be able to eat.
I am so unbelievably desperate.
Any help out there? Anyone? I'D be eternally, wholeheartedly, from-the-bottom-of-my-heart genuinely grateful to be able to save my family. I WILL DO ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING in my power to return the favor - and/or will do anything to EARN....anything!!! !!! !!! I'd also be entirely willing to post this nightmare of a 'Budget', if anyone is remotely interested - might be able to squeeze more out of our turnip.
Thank you so very much for listening to my issues.
